Imagine, in the case that soulmates really do exist, that your soulmate is out in the world working and living, probably in a different city. Maybe they’re dating someone else, and all that’s tying you two together is an invisible red string tied to the ends of both your pinkies. It’s a scary yet promising prospect.
I recently discovered the Japanese folktale story of Unmei no Akai Ito, or The Red Thread of Fate. The story goes that everyone is destined for one particular person, and the one thing that connects us is a red string tied to our fingers by an unseen force. No matter how far apart in distance or time you get, how twisted or tangled the string becomes, it never breaks. It simply waits for you to connect. This folktale blends with Shinto and Buddhist beliefs of transcending lifetimes and reincarnation to remain together.
The Japanese belief is calm, with no real burden on either person, compared to the Western belief of “finding the one”. It feels as though the weight and urgency are placed upon you to find your person, rather than them just being there. It focuses on nagare, or the natural flow of life, letting things happen how they are meant to. Instead of forcing it, you can focus on the other important parts of life, knowing that no matter how tangled the string becomes, it’s still there.
Across countless cultures, the thread represents human destiny. Even in Greek mythology, the three moon goddesses spin the thread at birth and watch over the remainder of our lives. There are other interpretations of this red string throughout Chinese and Korean folklore, but Japan’s myth aligns most with our Western ideas of a soulmate. In Korean stories, the string connects soulmates well beyond just romance, as a way to solidify the intense feelings and relationships we have with everyone in our lives. In Chinese myth, Yuè Lǎo, the deity of marriage, who connects the thread to couples, instead had the string attached to the ankle. Throughout history, it migrated to the woman’s pinky and the man’s thumb, before finally becoming the little finger on both partners. There have even been records in Japanese history of a man and woman cutting off their little fingers to prove their promise of love to each other. This story ended up bringing us “Pinky Promise” or kubikiri, which exactly translates to “finger cutting”.
This story leads us to believe that maybe those we hold dear aren’t truly strangers. We now make promises and wear rings upon our fingers to present our love, possibly all stemming from this story. Perhaps being single doesn’t mean you’re falling behind; missed connections and imperfect timing are just part of the bigger story. The idea of someone waiting for us while we go through life makes us feel safer. As humans, we want this uncertainty to have meaning rather than sitting with the unpredictability.
Unexpected meetings, like an invitation or meeting through a friend, can spark this thread of fate. The feeling of being so comfortable with someone, you feel as though you’ve known them forever. How much are we to trust the process or wait patiently for love? Even after all of these stories and explanations for things we can’t quite explain, the hard part is choosing how to move forward after you believe you’ve met “your” person.
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